Friendships, like any relationship in life, are filled with moments of joy, connection, and peace. But they can also go through periods of turbulence, disconnection, and conflict. I'm here to tell you that's perfectly normal. If you're currently navigating a rough patch with a friend, I want you to know you're not alone, and I see you.
As someone who has experienced challenging times with friends and worked through those issues, I understand how grief-filled, hard, and sad these moments can be. So if you're working through something right now, here are some thoughts on what you can do to nurture your friendships and yourself.
Define What Has Happened
The first step is to clearly define what has happened in the relationship. Ask yourself:
- Is this a one-time occurrence?
- Is it a pattern of behavior in the friendship?
Naming the rupture or conflict gives you the agency to respond. Understanding whether this is a first-time issue or a recurring pattern helps you decide on the next steps.
The Gottmans, renowned relationship experts, talk about relational rupture as any conflict, big or small, that causes disagreement between two people. Recognizing this rupture is essential for healing and growth.
Reflect on Your Emotional Experience
Take some time to reflect on your emotions. Are you feeling sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, or misunderstood? Whatever you're experiencing is okay, and acknowledging those feelings is a vital step toward healing.
This reflection allows you to decide how to respond. Do you need time away from your friend to collect your thoughts and emotions? Or do you want to schedule a meeting to discuss things and determine whether to continue the friendship?
You have the power to make choices that feel right for you. Sometimes conflicts are minor and can be resolved quickly. Other times, the rupture is more significant and requires more effort, attention, and time to heal.
Evaluate the Friendship's Future
Consider whether this friendship is a seasonal connection or something you want to invest in for the long term. Ask yourself:
- Is there safety in this relationship?
- Is the effort required to maintain this friendship worth it right now?
Conflict in friendships is natural, and it's crucial to lean into our responses. Reflect on how you're responding to your friend and find ways to respond with health and compassion. This process may reveal whether the friendship is worth continuing or if it's time to let go.
Show Compassion to Yourself
Remember, conflict in friendships is appropriate and normal. Show yourself compassion for how hard these moments can be. You're navigating a complex and emotional landscape, and that's something to be proud of.
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
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