Welcome back to Becoming Anchored, friend.
I founded Becoming Anchored Co. because I believe that we can all become more anchored in meaningful and safe connections. My hope is that you can cultivate healthy relationships over the holiday season and beyond.
I invite you to notice the people in your life that you cherish and hold dear. These individuals can be lifegiving and supportive to our mental health. I encourage you to express your gratitude to these affirming and wonderful individuals.
There are also people in our lives who drain, disappoint, or leave us feeling more overwhelmed after spending time with them. These people can overwhelm our nervous system.
My hope is that this blog can help you begin to identify these relationships and consider whether setting intentional boundaries may be helpful for you. Setting boundaries allows us to preserve our sense of peace and safety in relationships. Here is some gentle guidance to reflect on as you begin to set boundaries.
Creating a Healthy Boundary System
Everyone has unique needs that their boundary system can help fulfill.
Just because something is right for someone else does not mean that it is right for you. Please remember that everyone has different capacities. For example, you may need more time to recharge after a social event and benefit more from alone time, while others may need less.
When we set boundaries, I encourage you to introspect first and to practice curiosity, rather than comparing yourself to others.
Recognize Who You Need to Set Boundaries With
Identify which people in your life you will need to implement boundaries with for a fulfilling holiday season.
For this, it can be helpful to identify individuals in your life who support you toward accessing a felt sense of safety. What qualities do they have? What increases your sense of safety as you spend time with them? This may be a guide for you as you identify the specifics of setting boundaries with certain people in your life.
The safety and trust you have with each individual you identify will help determine how you need to set your boundaries. Sometimes your boundaries with certain individuals will need to be stronger and fixed, while your boundaries with others can be more relaxed and flexible.
Notice How Other People Respond When You Set Boundaries
When we set boundaries, it gives us an opportunity to see how others respond to our boundary system.
Ask yourself: Do the people in my life respond to my boundaries in a way that is respectful, kind, and understanding? Or are they quick to judge, criticize, and dismiss my boundaries?
Noticing how people respond to our boundaries can help inform us how to communicate our needs and what boundaries may need to be implemented in the future. It also gives us quite a bit of information about their boundary systems and perhaps provides a window into their emotional health landscape.
Identify the Consequences of Your Boundaries Not Being Honored
Ask yourself: What are the consequences if someone does not honor my boundaries?
Can you address this boundary crossing with assertive communication by directly pointing this out? Does it look like spending less time with that person who does not respect your emotional needs?
When boundaries are violated, it is appropriate to have a consequence to preserve our peace and keep us safe in our relationship. It also shows follow through; we mean what we say and say what we mean.
I have included some more resources below to help you compassionately nourish your emotional needs and cultivate peace, as you navigate the complexity of setting boundaries.
Additional Resources
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tewwab:
To further help you set boundaries over the holidays, I invite you to read Nedra Tewwab’s book on boundaries. There is also a workbook option available, if you would like to further engage with her work.
How To Practice Healthy Boundary Setting:
Our evidence-based course will teach you the essentials of creating and upholding boundaries. You’ll learn how to live life according to your values and strengthen your connection with others.
Let’s embark on a fulfilling journey that empowers you to live more authentically and with greater peace of mind!
Mindful Affirmation:
“I honor my needs by setting healthy boundaries this holiday season.”
Becoming Anchored in Hope,
Laura
LPC-MHSP, CEDS-C, ACS, NCC
At Becoming Anchored Co., we are dedicated to supporting individuals on their journey toward personal growth and well-being. Our mission is to provide tools and insights that foster resilience, connection, and authenticity.
Our evidence-based resources, including our podcast and courses, are designed to empower you. We have also curated a selection of thoughtfully designed products to help you stay anchored – that you can wear on your path to discovery and growth.
We believe in the importance of creating a nurturing and inclusive environment where every story is valued and honored. Join us in our commitment to thriving and flourishing together.
